I cheated.

2011-05-05T03:14:00.000+08:00

no longer writing here.

2010-10-14T20:35:00.002+08:00

19; and I am already walking to school alone.

already living in my own apartment.

already living in a foreign land.

already goin shopping alone.

travelling alone.

cooking alone.

washing up alone.

studying alone.

paying bills alone.

shopping for groceries alone.

everything alone.

2010-09-15T14:00:00.003+08:00

Its been two weeks since I have been shipped back to Moscow.

2010-08-25T12:46:00.002+08:00

I am that weak girl who has delirious thoughts of jumping off a building. She has daddy issues and a weight problem. She cries for no reason. She has a ugly face and a stupid hair. She is disgusting, she is stupid, she is whiny, she is a weakling, a nobody. She hates anything that doesnt go her way. She is impulsive she is obsessive and compulsive both at the same time. She laughs just to fool you. She is easily excited, easily distracted, she has a brain sized of a pea, all she does all day long is dream a bunch of crap stories for her longing fantasies.

How do you like me now.

2010-08-24T03:25:00.000+08:00

Sleeping through the night with gastric and no one friggin' cares. Go die you.

2010-08-21T16:26:00.001+08:00

Soon enough, i'll have to pack my bags and get on the plane and return to where I belong, once again.

Paramour

2010-07-28T13:45:00.005+08:00

Whats it like for it to be the other girl? The girl who has to hide it all behind. The girl who had love love sneakily?

To hold back from sharing secrets about the new guy with your best girlfriends. To think twice from asking for advise from them coz we're just afraid of the dirty looks thrown at us.

Whats is like when he loves us both but I love only him?

Whats it like when we cannot sleep well at night thinking about security, thinking of the dim future being his second girl, being the back up plan?

I wonder if the girl he loves knows about me? I wonder if she loves him as much as I do.

If he cheated on her, will he ever cheat our love too?

I know for a fact, he will not be mine. A cheater will never settle for only one girl, even if he does, it only takes time for him to carry on with another girl behind my back. What happened to my conscious?..have I lost all my self-policy, am I not woman? Am I that selfish to destroy her love when I only want of my happiness, the desire of my own flesh, to have someone to hold, to curb all my longings?

What difference am I from the cheater? I must not say its only his fault, its half mine too, for luring him to be involved with me. I lured him into cheating.

If he is not man enough to choose, then I must do this on my own, not for his sake, but for my own sake, coz I am woman.

I know, for I was once the kept woman.

2010-06-26T22:21:00.001+08:00

Just two more days bebeh.

Two more days >:)

Homecoming

2010-06-22T01:37:00.002+08:00

I am coming home.

Coming back to turn everything upside down -again.

I am not moving.

2010-05-26T04:41:00.007+08:00

2010-05-26T03:57:00.000+08:00

After meal, I get gastric.

Please dont make me stop eating.

2010-05-25T05:36:00.002+08:00

I know that you're that star which appears only on certain nights.

You're that cloud, which appears only once in the sky.

You're that fish that only swim by once in the stream.

You're that man, amongst the one in a million's million's million's million, whom I like.

You're that special man, a superman.

But i cant go further, i wish i can.. It hurts, coz you're just not my superman.

2010-05-23T04:39:00.002+08:00

I Love You.

Sometimes, these words are used too often.

sometimes, I find it hard to utter them and I never use them at all.

2010-05-21T16:47:00.002+08:00

Finding a person to accompany you for grocery shopping is the hardest thing to do.

2010-05-20T18:12:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you a secret.

When I am hungry, I don't eat.

2010-05-20T06:35:00.001+08:00

I hate staying up late at night, coz I tend to think of you.

2010-05-10T00:50:00.001+08:00

Dear mother,

Happy Mother's Day.

a very potato incident

2010-05-06T23:16:00.002+08:00

Why..hello there, good-looking potato.

Whats a good-looking potato doing out here all alone?

Come here, let me make you feel more like home. Heh Heh Heh. >:D

Potato screams, "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

2010-05-04T13:16:00.001+08:00

Don't give up, my dear.

There's something bigger thats yet to come.

I am a woman.

2010-04-29T01:10:00.002+08:00

I am a woman.

I expect you to dress up.

I expect you to pick me up from my doorstep on a date.

I expect to be complimented.

I expect a gift.

I expect you to pay.

I expect a romantic and a fun date.

I expect a posh restaurant.

I expect you to drive me back home.

I expect a nice goodnight peck on my cheek after it's all done.

I expect you to keep your hands off my boobs.

I expect a goodnight text before I go to bed. I don't care if you're still driving.

I expect to be pampered.

I expect to be spoilt.

I expect to be treated like a princess.

I am a woman -a demanding, difficult woman.

Leave me.

2010-04-29T00:49:00.002+08:00

I'm having trouble breathing,

you're sitting on my chest.

I sure could use some rest.

Leave me.

2010-04-21T12:33:00.000+08:00

In the secret, I drink anti-histamine to help me sleep.

Do you?

Thank you. I love you.

2010-04-19T02:03:00.002+08:00

Thank you mommy.

Thank you Yunn Min.

Thank you Angeline.

For always praying, helping, standing by me every single time, without fail, without complaining.

I love you, mommy.

I love you, Yunn Min.

I love you, Angeline.

2010-04-16T18:47:00.003+08:00

Anyways, wanna share with you guys something cute.

oh maafkan aku, its not this.

Its...this (:

Thinking of you

2010-04-13T06:19:00.002+08:00

"You said move on, where do I go?"

Whenever I listened to this song, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Regurgitates those loving memories we shared. I know it wasn't just my illusions; it was real, you were real.

Happy Birthday.

are you?

2010-04-11T13:27:00.006+08:00

Have you asked yourself;

When praying, who are you praying to?

When praying, do you have faith?

When praying do you believe?

Are you willing you let go of yourself and let Him fill you up?

Are you willing to be diminished and let Him be dominant over your life?

Are you willing to listen?

To follow?

To fight His battle, not yours?

To stay still when He asked you to?

To go forth when it's time?

To love without expecting?

To love unselfishly?

To give your best every single time in every single thing?

To forgive when you cannot, to love when you're out of love, to give when you have nothing left of you?

Are you willing to follow Him?

Are you willing to let him take over the wheels this time?

Are you willing to move out your comfort zone, trust Him and move forth to the promised land?

To be stretched? To be maximised? To be used by Him?

To serve with all your youth, time and heart?

To remember your first love,

To know He is Kings of Kings, Lords of Lords.

Do you acknowledge His presence?

Do you thirst for his love, wisdom, guidance, protection and mercy?

Is He your priority?

Are you willing to drink from His cup?

I am.

stop and stare.

2010-04-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

yeah? can somebody tell me please, why do everything i put on looks obscene?

Screw yourself crazy folks.

I am no sick fantasy of yours. Please stop oogling at me like that.

2010-04-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

Go

2010-04-07T06:18:00.001+08:00

I am not a chunk of meat. I am precious. I am special. My body is the temple of god. I am not afraid of you.

Go away, you evil men!

peep

2010-04-05T13:39:00.004+08:00

I looked at your profile page just now and it made my heart do a flip ;)

Hee..hope you're having a great day ahead, idiot.

Goodnight.

2010-04-04T04:57:00.003+08:00

I love you, I always had and I always will, though it may be four months since we're apart, my love will not fail.

My love never fades.

My love will never end.

I may not love you now like how i used to, but I love you. I still care for you.

Dont be sad, dont be lost, dont lose faith.

It is just a phase, my dear. After a good night's sleep, all will be fine tomorrow, its gonna be a brand new day.

Dont give up, it breaks my heart for the struggles that breaks yours.

I wish you well, my dear. Sorry, I love you. Goodnight.

he.

2010-03-30T17:21:00.002+08:00

If only seeing you happy and not touch you is the best thing for me and you. Then I would.

Makes my heart skips a little whenever I hear you talk, whenever I hear you laugh like stupid, whenever you drop by and peer at me when I am cooking. You're adorable (: if only you could realize that, wouldn't it make this thing a whole lot easier? but you only see me as a little girl.

I dont know why I only want things that I cant have. And I dont know why I cant have you. I dont know why I dont have the guts to have you.

Owh well, lets not question the force of nature, and let the winds bring me to where I should go.

I love to see you smile, you idiot.

sedih. tak guna.

2010-03-09T08:01:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone..I gotta say, I cant wait to come back.. just another 4 months, another dreaded 4 months and I am outta here.

Its so funny, how I am always so excited, always jumping on my toes to come here, but now, besides breathing, eating and studying, all I do is counting down the days till touch down in Malaysia. Saddening thing is, I aint gonna stay for long this summer. Maybe a month or so? I just gotta make good use of it.

I dont care if you tell me the temperature in Malaysia will kill me, I am born and bred there, for the past 18 years, how can I not see that coming?

I miss Malaysia, and everything in it; home, family, my alone time in bedroom, friends, parties, late night sneakings, clubbing, food, the weather!how can I forget the weather. Good looking men walking on streets. Food. Comfort zone. Karyee. Sam.

gee, living alone, apart from family, away from home can be so depressing at times especially when you cant sleep at night. no stars to look at. cant go out in shorts and tees. curfew.

screw freedom. there isnt any freedom here. I'm a nerdy housewife here in russia.

I miss socialising, I miss getting to know new people in parties, I miss sharing stories face to face with my close girlfriends. I miss sitting in Starbucks with just a tee and a jean. I miss mamak right across home. I miss late night swims. I havent been to a saloon for 6 months. Told you I miss Malaysia and everything in it.

But anyhows, once I am back, first things first,

gonna get a hair cut,

get my brows done,

get new reading glasses,

buy some books and read,

enjoy misty rainy days,

go on a road trip,

go for mission,

party like no body's business,

go shopping for shoes,

get tops,

get some dresses for Annual Dinner,

go get some food,

watch teevee,

watch movies,

mingle around,

spend quality time with close friends,

cook for my family,

visit relatives,

lose those fats,

get a new hair colour,

celebrate birthday,

have sleepover,

sing with little brother,

accompany dad for grocery shopping,

have girly talk with mom before bed,

accompany grandma to the market and have morning breakfast with her,

drive my friend's car -illegally,

walk under the sun without complaining.

Dah laa my second year, I'd have to do clinical practise in Russia for a month gahh, which means, summer holidays is only less than a month T.T why am I so sad. Why is it so hard to ask for extra time.

I just wanna make pretty sure that every single day is meaningful and productive. Cause I dont have much time.

And I dont think I'd want to ever leave to Moscow again ):

Kidnap and hide me during my take off, please?

Lonely.

2010-02-21T05:46:00.005+08:00

When all you do every Saturday night is laugh loudly with your bunch of good ol' friends over a hearty dinner, and everything just seems to fall into place..and everything just feels right.

why is there some part of me who just think something is just missing? Maybe some part of me do believe I need someone here.

Maybe its just silly ol' me or just the period, but whatever which is taking control, i just don't like it. I don't like this winter, it really is cold.

And sometimes I'd love to be alone, but that doesn't mean I am lonely.

she will be loved

2010-01-23T06:13:00.002+08:00

I secretly think I look and am fat. Dont believe? talk to Sir Belly.

I shopped so much today, its obscene. But, I feel happy (:

and i saw this omg-ish dress from Bebe. And I want it so badly, and i swear I walked pass Bebe for more then 5 times just to get a look at the red dress. Its calling to me..its calling me, wanting me to place my hands on it, feel it, smell it, try it...... then..... place my hand in my bag, take out my purse and give the cashier girl its worth and take it back home with me.

...................But, that didnt happen of course. *exhale* I only stared at it with awe and amazement. I know, how useless can I be.

I swear its so beautiful, but it will look perfect with me on it. With me is where she belongs. On me is where she is complete.

Red dress, I will come for you one day. I will come for you with my purse filled with cold hard cash. And when that very day arrives, baby, wait for me, for I will rescue you from the racks and you will be restored and renewed and you will loved. I will love you like how I love the rest of my dresses. I know it, cause; you, red dress, you, my love, you are different.

too late arent ya?

2010-01-22T07:01:00.005+08:00

Heh. Somehow, I kinda knew that this was bound to happen. silly boi. Kinda knew you're gonna come back. But I am different now, no more the girl whom you used to know.

No more the girl whom wait for your calls. The wheel had turned this time.

Growing different may make me seem like a jerk to you, and you may find all the reasons in this world to call me a bitch and tell your friends that I was a mistake, reality check boi, you made me this way. All those tears I cried made me sick of this. You just gotta know you lost me and I am never coming back to you.

I've got so much in life, and if turning back and losing everything that I gained during the period you were gone is the case, then you know there isnt even a slim chance that I am gonna do it. I aint gonna be the one waiting and crying all the time. I am so in charged now, I am so changed now. I am so much better now.

"Your chance has come and gone. Did you know, it's just a little too late, a little too wrong?"

another "i feel stupid" day.

2010-01-12T19:54:00.004+08:00

I guess its just one of those days where I miss you, and all I want is you to call me.

but you know, that just cant happen, coz it will not.

My downloader wont work, I cant watch How I Met Your Mother, i feel so restless.

I remember how I watched the first episode with you, and listened to you complain about how lame the show is, but after a few jolly ol' episodes, you were glued to it. I miss you.

I hate it when i have nothing to do, all I think about it all that we did last time.

I hate how guys flirt with me, all I think about is you too.

The world is so big in this small little hostel, you're only staying two floors down but we dont see.

I want a rebound boy.

I wanna evaporate into thin air

2010-01-09T08:57:00.003+08:00

Towards the ending of this week, its has been pretty much stressful and tiring for me.

Coffee seems to have no effects on me no more :'\ I have got to memorise so much, and yet there's so little time left. Its pure mental torture. The responsibility us students have to carry is so much, even in first year, there's so much we have to memorise, understand and sit for exams.

Not only we have to stress about human bodies, attending each and every freaking class, sitting for each and every freaking exams and oral test, dealing with foreign language, but we have to stress over money management, transportation, preparing meals, cleaning clothes, grocery shopping and what not.

I really need a break. I feel so physically tired. I want my comfort zone. I feel like retreating into my shell. My brains feel like breaking down any moment. I want a breakthrough.

I got no time for so many things. I hardly have my alone time. I hardly have time to read a novel. I hardly have time to check for black heads. I hardly have time to talk and chill in proper malls with friends without having to worry about the temperature outside, the transportation back home and also the major exam due next week. In fact, I've not been to a proper restaurant and have proper meals without having to look at the time and rushing for the tab.

I am so tired, so exhausted. So worn out. Everything I see is articulating surfaces, ligaments, muscles and bones. My world only revolves around the human anatomy. I am seriously tired, I am not joking. I wanna go back home. I just feel like dropping everything down, and evaporating for awhile :'(

please let me go home.

2010-01-08T04:11:00.002+08:00

Now tell me this isnt hot and I will stuff a banana up your ass.

You're no pretty boy.

2010-01-06T09:26:00.004+08:00

I changed my bed sheets, so that your stale smoke smell wont stay.

I throw away your stuff, it belongs in the bin.

I deleted you from my contact lists, so that I save up more space for a more deserving boy.

Get outta my face, silly boy.

so long 2009.

2010-01-05T07:11:00.004+08:00

and so, I lost you to her. Both of you deserve each other anyways.

I should've understood what you meant when you said I deserve better in the beginning, I do now, you suck and I don't. I am not your kinda girl..never have, never will. She is.

Can't you see, you'll never reach me.

Now that 2009 will never come back;

so will you.

Its now 2010, I am gonna make beautiful memories outta it. And the better news is..I am gonna come back.

The diva is coming back in 6 more months ;D

2009-12-26T10:38:00.002+08:00

i cannot believe, i got high with just two shots.
what the fuck is wrong with aku? stress nih. tak boleh jadi nih. noob sungguh. gaaaah.

owh, merry christmas semua orang. I sudah beli dress baru, cantik sungguh. i am still not sober.

2009-12-10T02:40:00.003+08:00

You remind me of him.
The feeling that I am feeling right now, its no different from how I used to feel.

Home

2009-12-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

At times on the way back from school, when it gets so cold, angry bustling winds start to blow and my body starts to shiver,

I wished my dad would appear and pick me up and bring me home in his Toyota. My mother would welcome me home with a warm motherly smile, her voice so melodious and so sweet. My grandmother would finish cooking, often with hearty meals that i love, after eating, it makes me feel so contented and loved. Brother always so eager to listen and to learn from my everyday stories and experience.

I miss you, family. so much.

back to black

2009-12-03T05:51:00.001+08:00

I want jet-black hair now!!!!

why did i ever dye it light brown in the first place? gaaaaaaah. *trauma-ness*
now have to wait for another month only can dye again. babi betul.

2009-11-29T07:38:00.004+08:00

The two pigs are nicely tucked in bed. Sleeping side by side, feeling so contented and safe in each other's arms.
He is so near, yet, I feel the distance taking it's toll already.

I finally understand how sometimes, I just cant hold you like I want to. You cant stay like how I always want you to. You cant be the guy whom I always thought I wanted. But it's okay, coz I like the way that you're so different, though sometimes it beats the joy outta me that you may just turn around and leave any moment, any day. I guess I'm just officially missing you.

addiction

2009-11-28T01:43:00.002+08:00

My boyfriend thinks I am a junkie, an alcohol addict, but really, all I feel is feeling good.

I dont feel addicted at all.

2009-11-02T03:22:00.001+08:00

Is there still anybody reading my blog? asal i see no comments waaaan.

susah susah jer i post banyak banyak pictures :\
*curls up in the corner and cry and shiver and act all dramatic"

2009-10-31T16:51:00.003+08:00

It has already started snowing. got purdy purdy snowflakes all. all stick on my baju.

but, i am only going to show you one picture, not goin to show you banyak banyak coz its just only little little snow. nanti scared you all tak leh nampak, say i syok sendiri namapk snow plak.

shush your lips and do the egg flipping.

2009-10-30T02:00:00.001+08:00

I am officially a professional egg flipper.
I flip eggs like how er...guys check out chick's boobs :3

i rase bored sikit.

2009-10-29T06:41:00.023+08:00

you really wanna know what am I doing now? you really wanna know? really really really wanna know? haha.

I am blowing my hair, 1.42am -Russian time. I dont know laaaa..i love to wash my hair and shower during random times. I gotta get the feel you know, to go into the shower.

aiyoh..i really do not know what to do anymore after this. I've already ate, showered, washed my hair, washed my socks, beat up sih ching, and study...dont know what else to do now. hmm..maybe i should eat. yeah, thats what i will do. eat.

and and and..i wanna show you something really retarted. retarted future doctor's life.

hahahha..he is gonna kill me. but i cant help it, its just too disturbing, i gotta show it ;D

medical student tu. after too much of medical terminology and bio shit.

its messy, shows i am smart :0

this fly is half the size of my thumb. the russian flies are mitated, i
swear to God. They are effing bapak giler besar.

medical students again, Malaysia's future doctors. these are what they do in class.
now, doesnt it makes you think twice before stepping into clinics.

med school's walkway.

our class rep. uh-huh. future doctor. *stress giler* future doctors gone loose.

microscopic slide of the histological side of the Serous Glands.

kawan ku tu sangat rindu kat aweknya kat indon.

he took too much of the pink slides i showed you earlier.

i long to study you.

see people? i am doing fine here, dont worry. owh..my hair grow so long it can tutup half of my boobs dy. sexaay tu. hahahha xD

byebye.

dah lama kan? (:

2009-10-08T03:05:00.004+08:00

Now, aint it a breath of fresh air? ;)

Sorry for not being World Wide Web ready for you guys. My dorm's internet sucks like eggballs. I got no internet till like end of october i think.
God, you guys wouldnt know how its like over here. I feel like some old lady over here; wash my blaaaaarday underwear and bras everyday -___- choose the fresh-est vegetables too
-____-''' and i cook also. and yes Karyee, I chosed the correct washing machine already!! ;D but hor, its darn darn noisy wan, I swear the noise will wake a dead corpus alive ;D

its so effing windy now :\ i think its gonna snow already. *exhale* i hardly see the sun, tahu? I miss malaysian sun so effing much. FISHBALLS la. and i didnt sweat for dont know how long already. I think ever since i sampai Moscow, i didnt sweat already. gah.

and dont ask me no more. TAK ADA JEJAKA HOT. period >:\

I miss all of you la.
Karyee, i got send you message, asal teda reply?!!!noob gila. eeleng also. noob punya. sam lagi noob. I know la my number macam weird gila, tapi reply la. Miss you guys tau.

there's so much to say, but dont know lah. like words cant really express tau :\ tapi you guys faham faham la my hati yeah? (:

*i am like freezing to death now* gaaaaaaaaaah~

fly me away

2009-09-14T01:45:00.002+08:00

I am all set, no more looking back.

I will.

2009-09-12T00:54:00.004+08:00

While having take away McDonald's as supper with lil' bro in the dining hall, I said to him,

"I will miss watching WWE every Tuesday with you",

"I will miss eating in the dining table with you and family",

"I will miss the road trip back to hometown with you during Chinese New Year",

"I will miss the way I bug you about your girlfriend",

"I will miss quarelling with you over your bad attitude",

"I will miss singing with you while you play the guitar".

Then queitly with his head eld low, he asked me, "Will you miss me?"

Taken aback with emotion and tears, I said, "Of course I will".

9

2009-09-06T01:09:00.002+08:00

the title has nothing to do with what i am about to start.
it is not an indication that i have 9 boobs nor an indication that i have 9 deformed fingers, nor i have popped my cherry 9 times.

it is just a number, an amount of days to keep me in agitation at the edge of my seat.

What am I?

2009-09-04T00:24:00.003+08:00

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person... a partner who you do special things for.

In love, you express your emotions through actions.
Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's" Your Personality Type?

woohoo

2009-09-02T03:34:00.002+08:00

owh tell me about it, shits do happen. it rained so heavily today, my clothes never got it's glimpse of sunshine. talk about panas dan kering kontang sepanjang tahun. Way the go.

anyways, lets do a checklist of things i am yet to get.

- basic tops
- basic tank tops
- basic tops with long sleeves
- a nice blazer jacket
- denim shorts
- flat pumps
- pencil skirt
- hair wash
- conditioner
- hair serum
- deodorant
- pads
- and so much more, I cant remember now, coz im too sleepy and drained.
- make up remover
- cotton pads

whaaaaat? stop staring, i am goin off for amlost a year alright?

feriggin mothacheebai, i swear i will burn your pube hair!

2009-09-01T01:15:00.002+08:00

TMnet Broadand is so effing MOTHACHEEEEEEEBS!!! its getting on my cheebie nerves!

I cannot friggin even online. It keeps disconnecting and connecting and those TMnet workers thinks its so cute, I BET they're giving me their orgasmic faces.

but tell you what, ITS NOT EFFING CUTE, you stupid arseholes.

she bengong ady.

2009-08-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

Waaaaaaaaargh!!!

I wanna get my very very very light grey colour lens D':

turn

2009-08-25T19:09:00.002+08:00

We might fall outta this track sometimes, we might even miss some turns here and there, but I'll hope to see you at the finish line.

Hari Khamis.

2009-08-20T18:37:00.009+08:00

Hari ini, saya bangun awal awal pagi untuk ker kelas bahasa russia. Tapi sebelum berbuat demikian, ayah saya telah menghantar saya ke pusat membeli-belah Sungei Wang menggunakan keretanya. Saya telah tiba awal di Sungai Wang dan telah menunggu Tarina selama tiga puluh minit bersama beg berat aku. Aku merungut sekejap sebab leher saya penat membawa beg berat.

Tarina tiba dan kami berjalan bersama-sama untuk mencari mask <--topeng muka yang digunakan untuk menutup mulut kerana influenza H1N1 sedang merebak dengan pantas. Baik kita mencegah sebelum kita kena, bak kata pepatah sebelum bubur menjadi nasi. Kita berjalan jalan satu komplex sehingga kaki saya penat, tapi tak dapat cari topeng muka bercorak yang diingin Tarina. Waktu tidak mengizinkan, lalu kita menggunakan er.. transport publik untuk ker kelas bahasa russian. sebelum itu, kita makan dulu sebab saya dan tarina lapar. Apabila kami masuk ker kelas, cikgu KumKum berkata memandangkan esok adalah kelas terakhir kelas russian, maka kita perlu ada er.. ujian. Saya dan Tarina mengelabah-ness kerana kita tidak fasih dalam Bahasa Russian. Maka kita bertekad untuk membawa jawapan ke dalam dewan peperiksaan dan meniru xD supaya boleh mendapat markah lulus. Lepas itu, kami berdua berjalan jalan untuk membeli belah dan kami telah mendapatkan dua pasang cermin mata gelap berfesyen aviator kerana kita jealous tengok banyak orang pakai, so, kite pun gedik bersama. Dan saya amat suka cermin mata gelap tersebut ;D Tiba masanya, ayah saya pun sampai untuk mengambil saya balik ker rumah. Nanti saya akan berjumpa dengan Sam dan menceritakan al-kisah cerita saya hari ini membeli belah dalam bahasa malaysia. semoga Sam akan faham dan berbicara dengan saya dalam Bahasa Malaysia. owh..dan kedengaran lagu "Poker Face" sedang berkumandang, didendangkan dalam radio dan ayahku sedang menikmatinya..ayah ayah.. xD

Someone you used to know.

2009-08-16T16:56:00.006+08:00

It was helpless anyway

There's nothing much we could do or say

Darling don't you think it's a shame?

That it had to end this way.

So here's to say goodbye,

Our love is lost, and we cant figure why.

Maybe it really is about time

that we finally made up our minds.

So Darling, here's to you,

I hope that when you find someone new,

that she would always be true to you,

to love and understand you.

Soon you'll build new memories

then slowly you'd forget about me

then I would slowly be

a distant memory.

Soon I'll just be

that someone you used to know,

But darling you will thank me

for letting you go

time is not for wasting.

I hope you'll find your intended

But I'm sorry

that your intended, isn't me.

dreaming my way to neverland

2009-08-13T20:59:00.003+08:00

Those weak tiny hand that held yours, those eyes that stared into your beautiful ones.

My hand clasped yours last night, both shrivelled shaking hands held yours so tight, afraid it would slip off. I looked into you, hoping you'd be foolish too, and never let go mine. The bejewelled night and the majestic moon overlooking us, a pair of wronged fools. Tell me, has anyone loved you this much?

It was simple, we never did talk much, i guess we understood clearly there was no conversation that could mend the broken string.We didnt touch, cause it wasnt what we wanted. we just handfully hold each others shivering hands and prayed for the night to never end. I placed my hand onto your cheek, caressing, because i longed to love you again. Slowly I pressed my cheek and my ear to your chest, and your heartbeat was clear. It was beating, fast. I felt a tingle and a rush of electrocution up and down my spine. I knew it was love. Cause that was how i gave in for you the first time, i heard your heart beating fast, and it was beating for me.

Tears streamed down my cheek, uncontrollably. Every drop of tear rolled down like diamonds. Every drop, ever so precious.

We stayed that way, wrapped up in each other till the next morning, where i opened my eyes and woke up from my dream. I cried for i dont know what to feel. I cried for i dreamt of something so sureal. I cried for it hurt me more.

I admit, a part of me never did wake up, it continued dreaming.

2009-08-05T02:06:00.000+08:00

You either wanna be with me or be me.

when lizards attack me.

2009-08-03T00:56:00.004+08:00

YERH. just now got one cicak in the dustbin scared me.

I am so sad now.

Stewwwpid cicak..I hope your tail fall off and your binary fission ability fails and it never grows back and you die in the same exact dustbin and same postion, where you scared me ):

I dispise you, you cold blooded ugly thing!!!!!

tongue tied

2009-08-01T06:40:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, i hide inside that shell, i hide behind that thick made-up face and fancy clothes with men as my accesories, just so you wouldn't see how weak I am. Just so you would forget that i am hurt, just so i dont look vulnerable in your eyes. Can you see its all a show?

I'd really want you to remember me as the strongest girl ever. I'd really want you to see me as a brand new person..no more trapped tears in my eyes. No longer the self-professed weakling I was.

Though I am rather blind..but memories marred my mind. were you a mistake?

I wake up alone in bed..but its okay..I keep myself busy, so i dont have to wonder where is he.

You hurt me bad, you hurt me deep..you cut me, i bleeded and i admit, it was painful.

But i wouldnt let that bring me down..i wont let that bother me, stop me from doin things that i like or used to like when I was drowned in you. You hurt me bad, I will lick my wounds..I will pick my pieces, i will re-trace my steps..I have learnt from my mistakes, I will not let you see me down..I will not let you see me wiping my tears. As a matter of fact, I will be happiest when you're around..I will laugh louder just so you realise I am no more silly over you. I will pretend as if the past never made it through. I am not stuck. Just a little overwhelmed by how far have I gone. And i will keep walking forward, away from you, and nearer to happily ever after.

thanks for hurting me so badly..at least i will appreciate the finer and better things in life, and not you, never you (':

July, goodbye.

2009-07-31T01:05:00.002+08:00

He reminded me just now..that it already is august.

no more july.

Though i kinda feel its midst of july. Still celebrating birthday..still goin to college..still sitting for exams. But no, july just ended, and august is here already.

Once september comes, i am off to Russia.

2009-07-27T22:23:00.001+08:00

i feel super sluggish today. all i did was slug around.. in my super sluggish mode.

i slugged so much today, i got a headache from it.

2009-07-26T17:18:00.002+08:00

Finally free from the chains that tied me down with responsibilities and killer maths for seven months. Time is just passing too fast, i find it so scary. *exhale* and now to bangballs for two months.

and aku sungguh broke now T.T

i havent wash my hair..and it stinks of alcohol and smoke. and my eyeliner pun belum been removed properly yet. and after 5 hours of sleep..i masih rase it aint cukup ):

adui..i am so bored, someone please talk to me laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I am so bored, i think i can peel potatoes. <-- wtf? O.o

I wanna go shower now..tapi malas la wanna take off my clothes, then my undies. *exhale*
man....i feel so sluggish la.

2009-07-19T21:54:00.002+08:00

Go on.. its nice watching you screwing with your own sick mind.

Its nice seeing you self-destruct, you insecure lil' thing.

grunt

2009-07-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

Dino woke me up from my sleep =.=

and i am very mooody now. *grunt*

18

2009-07-17T15:42:00.004+08:00

I've turned eighteen <: say goodbye to fake ID's and getting frustrated over age policies at clubs.

and i got bloody left ear for being so darn blur with my surroundings.
therefore, a bloody ear leads to the clinic which the doctor insists on five stiches <:
and for being such a tough girl for not tambah-ing my friend's stressing(the bloody ear), for not crying during suturing and remaining absolutely calm and making a joke outta the injury, I GOT A BOTTLE OF ABSOLUTE VODKA from karyee and satya (:

therefore, for my 18th birthday (:

1) karyee, mandy and joseph saw my bloody ear
2) karyee, mandy and joseph brought me to the nearest clinic to fix my ear.
3) I got five stiches on my left ear, and still looking irresistable ;)
4) had lunch-ner with karyee, mandy and satya
5) had tgif staff to sing for me (:
6) and a bottle of vodka :D

and eventhough i had a bloody birthday celebration, with many coming to me saying, "wow..what a celebration, you got yourself injured", i swear i wouldnt have it another way round. Coz I saw how my friends were worried, cared for me and not leaving me to bleed till death (: I genuienly see they love me so much despite me being so clumsy; knocking and exposing myself to dangerous threats and hazardous sharp walls.
..sides....the doctor said i was a brave brave girl <---that kinda made my day.
and i finally got over my fear for pain, needles and hookes passing through my flesh (:

I love you guys so much; through pain, tears and joy (: i loved how yeaterday turn out to be, i wouldnt want it any way other.

...and so, i figured my birthday resolutions with some help from friends;

1) start off my first year of med school smoothly
2) to start taking responsiblity and behaving myself
3) i will not hurt myself (physically and and emotionally) and i will not give away my heart that easily to sick bastard whom is ugly and doesnt know how to appreciate my love.
4) to stay positive at all times (:

...i swear i kinda got brain-jam after the second resolution and karyee gave me a little help with the third one. and huba suggested the forth one and said that will be my main one throughout life <:

see how great this year's bday turn outta be? i love all of you!

Happy Diva/Bimbo Day!

..and i swear karyee nearly fainted when she saw my left ear.

haha!yousuckbigtime(:

moodswings attack

2009-07-13T14:36:00.003+08:00

is it me or has '09 been passing terribly fast? in a week's time, I will be sitting for me finals, which i havent study for -yet -which i will start, soon.

after my finals, then i'll be off to study for my russian language course <:

I really want '09 to be done with, its just too much of tings had taken place and i dont find the urge to find out more. I feel so sick at times, i want something new. I dont like routined and predictable days. I want something unplanned. I thirst for excitement!

I think its the weather thats making me so cranky.

And i think i need a new hair cut and hair colour to make me feel excited again. I am kinda sick of straight hair already. I need a major change. and i want grey contacts ngeeeeeee.

And i guess mandy is right, I have been sending the wrong vibes to guys all the time.

and owhmaigaaawd, i wanna go TGIF so badly.

2009-07-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

I feel so soh poh. *screams*

2009-06-23T22:38:00.002+08:00

The trully painful goodbyes are the ones that often never said, and never explained.

Leave broken hearts wondering why, till this very still night.

Lost lovers are often never heard of, they are often gone before you even decide to leave it behind.

Poems and lyrics will never replace tears that cry at night.
Like how his hand will never replace yours that held mine when we were slaves for foolish love.

Foolish us.

imperfection spells perfection to me.

2009-06-22T11:20:00.001+08:00

many people love pretty perfect things. things that arent damaged or broken.

but i love damaged and broken things. thats why i find it hard to let it go.

I dont wanna be the girl who feels the silence

2009-06-19T17:40:00.004+08:00

if the only reason we remained as friends is just so you could get the goss outta my life and manipulate everything so that it looks bad from my side of life, then you're no helping hand at all.

if you really dont wanna care, if all you wanna do is embarass me, then might as well walk away, as far away. Coz i am tired having so many happy-looking people hanging out with me, not because they care, but because they love the sight of me being down. you're the least i need, now. At this point of moment, I dont need paparazzis, i need real friends. I dont need attention, i need care. I didnt volenteer myself to sign up for this creepy frienship, i thought you knew better.

A real friend is someone who genuinely want to see me be the brightest star shining in the sky and not someone who wants me to look as bad as them.

if you cant trust me, if you cant see the beautiful side of me, if you have no faith with the decissions i make, if you cant be sensitive enough to consider my existance or my emotions, if you think you can get away with things that you do cause it looks so darn innocent, then maybe you're not really a friend material to me, anymore. Maybe its better you go on with your life, and i get on with mine. It was nice having you around, but as time pass, i getta see more and more of your true colours, your personality start to show clearly, and i am afraid i dont need you. there isnt an explanation you can do to make things right again. you're no less than the others, i guess i'll never see you the same way as i saw you before.

This is not a suggestion, consider it an order.

2009-06-18T21:23:00.002+08:00

i am so tired. i feel so worn out.

i am sick of my life. i am sick of what i have to go through everyday. i am sick of the people around me. PLEASE, just leave me alone.

if you're dumb and cant talk, then you better make sure you look darn eff-ing good.

time is running out

2009-06-17T17:12:00.001+08:00

OH. MY. GOD

Why is it so eff-ing hard to find the shorter version of this eff-ing dress.

Love is a losing game

2009-06-13T16:49:00.002+08:00

Do i matter to you, like how you matter to me?
Do i look like an accesory?does it really matter much?why do i have to feel this?
does my feelings matter to you anyways? do you hurt when i cry?
do you still think of me at night?do you still listen to the songs we sing in the car by the radio?

those things i said to you, those sweet words, do you remember them?are they kept safe or is it long forgotten or is it already replaced.

i hate you, but i dont know why these tears cry for you.
i hate you, but i dont know why the heart is still beating like it was for you.
i hate you, what is it with you that had made me like this.
i hate you.

Am i missed by you, like how i missed you?
are you scared, like how i am scared too?

When will it be my turn to put the masquerade mask away?
I feel pretty on the outside, but my thoughts are running ugly in the inside.
Everything seems fine from your eyes, you thought this is fine, you thought this was just another joke.
You thought i am a joke. but really, stop drowning me, be more sensitive to me.

My mouth feel so dry, tears are collecting in my eyes, my hands are cold. I feel tired fighting a battlefield where losing isnt a doubt.
I long for a breakthrough. I want my breakthrough.

the belly-licious

2009-06-10T19:46:00.004+08:00

Dear Sam,

As you blow off the candles of your eighteenth birthday, I wanna wish you a Happy Birthday!

I wanna let you know you're one of those people whom are definately worth for keepsake.

I love you, my friend.

thank you for the years of non-judgemental and kind friendship.

thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin, through school years, through my breakup, through tears and sorrow, through my fall from grace, through my drunk nights, through happy times, through exams, through SPM, through results day, through my youths years.

thank you for never judging me of my past, thank you for accepting me as a whole, for i am only human. thank you for always never giving up on me. thank you for being there when i cried, thank you for being there whenever i needed someone to wipe away those tears. thank you for giving me support and confidence, thank you for making me able to breathe hope.

you make me realise at times, hope is just a stonetroll away. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, I am so blessed to have you here and watch my back.

I'll always have your ass watched!

Happy Birthday Sammy Belly ;)

2009-06-09T23:14:00.001+08:00

Poker face - A face without any interpretable expression.

"You're the queen of superficial, how long before you unmask the truth?"

ripped

2009-06-08T01:01:00.001+08:00

People can take everything away from you,
but they can never take away your truth.

2009-06-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

check out the bottle of chivas regal in my hands.

skipped

2009-06-05T12:21:00.002+08:00

urghhh..what is wrong with me? enough with it already.

math is really the killer. i dont know what more to say. but i am really afraid of it )':
but other than that, i adore bio, physics and whats that one more subject...ahh chem.

Russia is just two bloody months away (:

I woke up feeling hungover today..a bad hungover. i dont know how that came about. i didnt drink the previous night. must be feeling tired and dehydrated kot.
and so, i skipped college.

I say I wanna go, but actually, I wanna stay.

In your eyes, I'd wanna to stay.

2009-06-03T17:51:00.004+08:00

If you cant handle me at my worst,

then you have no rights to deserve me at my best at all.

sunsets

2009-06-01T23:00:00.003+08:00

Will you take pictures of every sunset at each different country you set your foot on?

and show them to me once you're back.

you do know how much i love sunsets, do you.

when doves cry

2009-05-31T23:41:00.002+08:00

on friday, i just stayed home.. i had this.. this. this extreme need. like seriously a bad need for a dose of gossip girls. and since i was pretty free at home, sam came over to my house, chilled for a bit and we went to get gossip girls weeee~ ;D he was really reluctant to follow, actually.
but thanks for being such a sugar.
later at night around 9-ish, we went for mamak. and god, we witnessed how mamaks manage their foodstuff and drinks. seriously, it was utterly sick. the next time imma mamaking, i'll just stick to canned drinks; its the safest options. i dont wanna die young and pretty :D

then on saturday, i woke up early for dance practise with the promtay committee. had some catching up after that at the mall. daniel called to postpone the shisha session.
lily followed me home, and i introduced her to the ultimate slimming weapon, and no, i aint doing coke or ketamin. after cleaning ourselves, so, i followed lily to the Relay for Life event instead <: its an event to acknowledge cancer patient survivors and also those battling with cancer, something that i would definately like to participate myself with.
met eugene, desmond, and some bunch of really cool people there. i had a blast hanging out, walking, running and talking with them that night. oh, and did i mention that they had a fetish over my heartshaped-dotted flipflops?*laughs*
surprisingly, anthony albela was there. but you know, he really needed to lose the couple of pounds..haha no offence anth. you know i adore you and the chiki chiki bang bang gesture that you do. mandy was there as well, but we couldnt connect much, coz most probably we were to engaged with the friends we had at that moment. but oh well, everything turned out fine. left around 2-ish. came home and watched a bit of gossip girls till four morning and headed to bed.

and today, i woke up early to catch up with lily and karyee. i had so much fun today too. joseph joined after that.
the restaurant we went to was so cool. they had a rooftop open air lounging area which looked so chic and the atmosphere was so relaxing and comfortable. plus, the music and food was superb. i might be considering my party there. MIGHT. still like MOS though.
i am still searching for a partner to for the waltz.
anyone who doesnt have two left feet?you could probably voleenteer to be the partner. i promise to treat you well. i dont bite.

I dont know if i am being too emotional or too emo, but i have a feeling that you're slipping away from us. like as if you dont wanna hang out like how the three of us used to, anymore. dont you miss the drinking sessions, clubbing nights and the girlie talk over dinner? i miss them.
and honestly, i really do miss you.

thursday's fun

2009-05-29T13:26:00.003+08:00

Could you believe i went in with KarYee's ID? yeah...the MOS bouncer was the major ass that night.
it was so tiring towards the end till i cant move my feet no more.

Ky, you know you were the biggest darl last night for shooing idiots for me. i had so much fun with you last night <';

mandy..asal tak datang laaa? tinggal us both Charlies's Angels jer.

2009-05-27T23:31:00.001+08:00

owh..and someone left for Perhentian on the bus already.

and he is really looking forward to bang turtles and mermaids ;D haha

have fun, kiddo!

rainbow

2009-05-27T20:29:00.003+08:00

society itself is twisted, stupidity at it's best i guess. And just in case, I dont think Britney is insane, she makes sense to me, lots of sense in fact, and i understand her pain actually.

told you society is twisted. no?

i went shopping alone the other day. it was a therapy so good, i would wanna do this over and over again. its not the idea of people being too clingy or bothering or whatever. but doing stuff alone actually makes me step outside the box and think from someone's else's perspective, for once.

while taking time to stroll from one shop to another, i noticed so many things, from the society's physique to their behavior, its just.... weird. but i love looking at people doing their thing, watching time past by me, doing things slowly and start noticing my surroundings. not only it calms my nature, but it's sorta like a boost to me to work harder and earn more dollar bills in future if i wanna continue spending like the loaded Paris.

I had a talk with my friend the other day. my new best friend haha.

he is a super nice guy, someone who is very thoughtful. and we sort of dwell into this conversation about life, basically catching up, though we talk nearly everyday.

well, its not i had stolen a stem cell from you or whatsover, i know its kinda surprising i act different nowadays, different and more tough, i guess i just grew along the way ;D haha

i didnt steal no stem cells alright?

he asked about ever considering a rebound, a fling.

nah, i am more than that. i am a girl smarter than that. I am a lady of immense self-pride and dignity. i make choices, i take control of my own life. i wear my own clothes, i dont let anyone order or influence me around. there are choices we can make in life. many choices in fact.

choices that make us and break us.

i guess we all know what i chose.

i chose to improve, i chose to move, i chose to fight,

where i could have been sationary,

where i could have been weak,

where i could have gave up.

i dont need a fling or a rebound to make me feel powered, confident or in control, what i need is positive vibe and good friends who genuienly wanna see me happy and some space for me to pick up pieces and get hold of myself.

Its not that i cannot and am not capable to man-nize, I am. but i make choices, smart choices that is ;)

i chose to love, love myself, respect myself, respect my body, respect my soul, respect my heart, coz i know it's worth. It's definatly not worth fooling with some desperate guy online or some horny guy in clubs. this heart, my..i am keeping it safe for a very long time.

it is unfair sometimes; deserving young scholar not getting the scholarship she wants, not getting the man she loves, not treated the way she's supposed to be.

Throwing tantrum, sulking, crying is what i do best, but its time to grow up, hun.

Big girls dont cry no more, no? <;

I've learnt to look on the brighter side of stuff and situations.

to make the best out of the worst scenario.

to throw a big smile when i dont want to,

to love when situation is making me hate.

I aint no self-centered hypocrite, i'll still tell you things when i dont like it, i've not turned into some obnoxious, pretentious thing, instead of that, i've learnt to be more smarter, more versatile and mattured.

the next time you wanna touch, watch your fingers, boy, you might get burnt ;>

I told you i believed that after every dreaded rainstorm, there'll be a magestic rainbow over the misted shrouded sky.

I've found mine, have you?

2009-05-24T20:36:00.005+08:00

Animal or no animal, you fuck anything that moves,

that's how shallow you are.

I'd rather be a rock. teehee

OWH, and did i tell you that,

Michael Jackson would so win a beauty pagent with you in it.

No offense hun, i still love you, the so darn shallow you ;D

it makes me feel so waaay better than being you.

at least i dont fuck just anything that moves.

xoxo

deformed

2009-05-23T14:07:00.002+08:00

I've had one hell load of fun for the past week ;D
-karaoke
-mamaking sessions
-oggling at cute ADP guys ;D
-word vomit about ugly girls
-sleepover
-late night drives
-drinking sessions.

i am looking forward for another fun week, yaw ;D

owh..and sam is coming in an hour's time. god, i am so sleepy.

it feels so good when you're finally flying and soaring in the sky, alone.
finally able to breathe the air of no drama. finally be able to live up the life, my way, and to the fullest. though i think its not exactly the fullest yet, but, yeah.. i am working on it.

its great to have friends surrounding you when you're down. they come, help and expects nothing in return from you. they just wanna see you strong, standing tall, they wanna see you be the brightest star that's shining in the dark ebony sky. I am glad i havent lose them, i am glad they forgive me for the mistakes that i've done. i am glad they're giving me a second chance to live happy again.

and as for you, dont get deformed looking girls, they're hideous.

xoxo

omfg

2009-05-20T23:02:00.001+08:00

omfg..i am so excited!

i am gonna have oats before leaving for college tomorrow ;D yum-maaay

2009-05-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

I am feeling kinda hungry, mom. food?

and if anyone of you who's free and wanna feel tad bit emo and cry and go all nostalgic over the past, you might wanna try www.rockthebunny.blogspot.com for some insights of what broken hearts really feel like.
The "I Wish You Well" post made me go all weary, but i absolutely love that girl for being such a superwoman.

promise

2009-05-20T00:28:00.003+08:00

at times when i am honestly at the brink of losing myself, i promise i wont run away anymore.

i promise to be a more mature girl.

i promise i'll think twice before making silly decissions.

i promise i am gonna take my purse and phone, run out, hail a taxi and run away the next time i am mad with anyone. i promise to be way smarter than that.

i promise i'll be a good girl over at russia.

i promise i'll study and be the strong woman i wanna be.

i promise i wont be so gullible anymore.

i promise i will treat my heart well, and acknowledge it's worth.

i promise i wont run into walls again.

i promise i wont be so blur blur again.

i promise i will eat properly.

i promise i will sleep on time and wake up when the alarm rings, and not when you shout.

i promise i'll make my bed.

i promise i'll take my pills.

i promise i'll eat breakfast.

i promise i wont simply use money on eyeliners and drinks.

i promise i'll listen and not daydream in class.

i promise i'll sit for exam wholeheartedly.

i promise i wont fall for stupid guys.

i promise i'll treat my friends well.

i promise i'll not ditch my friends for their mamak sessions anymore.

i promise i'll not skip church just because i got hunover the previous night.

i promise blonde will be the last colour for my hair.

i promise i'll not pluck my eyebrows any thinnner anymore.

i promise i'll not complain about pork no more.

i promise i'll not pick up stray kittens on the street anymore.

i promise i wont cry over petty things.

i promise i wont shout or scream when i see crawliess flying across me.

i promise i wont dissapoint you.

i know i wont dissapoint myself (:

i am leaving this 26th august people. *blows flying kisses*

2009-05-18T10:34:00.003+08:00

I CANT BELIVE I BELIEVED
EVERYTHING WE HAD WOULD LAST

SILLY OF ME TO DREAM OF
ONE DAY HAVING YOUR KIDS

LOVE IS SO BLIND
IT FEELS RIGHT WHEN ITS WRONG

BELIEVE I FELL FOR YOUR SCHEMES
I'M SMARTER THAN THAT

SO DUMB AND NAIVE TO BELIEVE THAT
WITH ME YOU'RE A CHANGED MAN

IT TOOK ME SOME TIME BUT NOW I'VE MOVED ON

ME, MYSELF AND I

THAT'S ALL I GOT IN THE END

THAT'S WHAT I FOUND OUT

AND IT AINT NO NEED TO CRY

I TOOK A VOW THAT FROM NOW ON

I'M GON'NA BE MY OWN BEST FRIEND

YOU SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME

BUT YOU DONT

EVEN YOUR VERY BEST FRIEND

TRIED TO WARN ME ON THE LOW

IT TOOK ME SOME TIME

BUT NOW I AM STRONG

I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER DISAPOINT MYSELF

My eyes HAVE CRIED A THOUSAND TIMES

I CAN'T REGRET TIME SPENT WITH YOU

YEAH YOU HURT ME BUT I LEARNED A LOT ALONG THE WAY

IT'S HOW I LEARNED TO MAKE IT THROUGH

AFTER ALL THE RAIN YOU SEE THE SUN COME OUT AGAIN

I'VE GOT ME, MYSELF AND I.

metamorphosis

2009-05-16T15:48:00.002+08:00

dayuuuuuuuuuuum. the digestive system's crashing. but i LIKE it (;

off to church soon.

next morning, imma of to lagoon yaw. surf's up ;D

note to self: open up eyes for tan surfer dude with hair that cover's his big puppy eyes.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

and lately kan, i think i am goin so broke. i dont know where all the greens has flown to, seriously. its not on college food, its not on shopping, not on mags, not on the hair.
must be the cosmopolitan's bah. PERIOD.

last night, had the best shisha -ever. damn daniel, you do know some good shisha huh?should've just skipped Naeb and went straight to Jaffar's then to Rainforest.
khairin was the first timer. I am just glad that me and daniel were the first one whom made him lose his shisha virginity ;D khairin was being such a hun.

2009-05-16T01:27:00.003+08:00

i may seem all messed up. i may seem like i've got no directions right now. I may seem like i am being all stuck in the same miserable position, but hey, at least i am living my life, my way.

no one's gonna judge my degree level of "moving-on-ness" coz you just aint me. and even if i dont seem like i am convincing enough, i am liking the new me, now. I know where i stand, I am free, i've got a brand new attitude, and i am having lotsa fun ;D so screw whoever thinks i am still stuck in the same old person, the person who is all chained all, being in love with you.

and that brand new attitude that i just addopted, well, i am gonna wear it all the time ;D

dream

2009-05-12T21:01:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of you the other night.
i dreamt of the things we used to say, the things we used to laugh to.
i dreamt of your voice, your deep husky voice.

but i couldnt see you, your face.

imissyou.